kaylja

I woke this morning alone. Roulhammer already up and tending to forge work. I forgot it was his birthday. Isn't that aweful? My boys had to remind me. I sat and watched them work for awhile. Nothing on the work board was slated for my hand today,with the conference later and all. They are such a machine each part picking up where the others leave off. I don't know what I'll do when the first of my apprentices leave me later on this year. There will be a void within the family we have created and a piece missing from my heart from where they have left their marks I feel sure.

As I watched them I thought of how each came to be within in Figment Forge. Roulhammer my first in so many ways. He was the reason I decived my family for the first time and fought the vampires for his life along with Gothwyn, Gerimen, Millibrook, and Terifoul. Without Damion's pertection I doubt we would have survived.He was already in my heart even then, my best friend the night all were healed and I had asked Remini for his son to become my first apprentice. Hideing under the bear skin in the night air of Qwuilalampour stealing kisses I should have known then I'd be his wife some day but I was so young It all seemed a game like I was about to play at the forge. The memory that jars me,however, is of that same night when Damion entered the gathering grief striken at the lose of his wife and children. None would approach the mage none knew how to comfort him or tame his unchecked anguish. I remember going to him giving him 3 roses. I knew not the words for comfort either but he understood reconized what I was trying to do and pulled me onto his lap. It is only now in the last few weeks that I see Damion as he was before that day. He seems more . . . happy if thats even a word one can use to discribe the mage. Something deeply broke within his mind the day Alia died as if he fractured all emotion within him into a shadowed box and he kept it well hide with nothing left over in him but cold calulations. I have voiced in more ways then one my disaproval of his meathods and we have had a rather rocky relationship over the years but I respect him. My father I know disaproves of the leway that Damion gives me within these worlds for it is far more then the mage ever granted him. However it was not of Abu's hand that I was raised I may have his blood within me but it was my master and godfather Gilyar who rared me in this world that we walk in. And it is his veiws that guide me still. He taught me of balence in all things, of fairness and his leasons to me are sorely missed, taken from me to soon. But just as my boys represent me I still feel the need to represent Gilyar. I was the last apprentice he took the one for which he died. The last of his knowledge bestowed to me and I feel the need to fill the void left by his death. He took me in to his forge his home his people. I came to live at the Holt for a while where Fidor came to me not wanting to follow in his fathers footsteps but rather be a smith. He and Roulhammer created my first forge the one within my home at stoneheart Mountain. It was there that we made the Halbeters armor and there many a night when we worked that Gilyar and Ramol sat and smoked watching us play at the forge or so it still was in my mind. Things although turbulant were still uncomplecated and simple I did what I loved for the love of it and for the love of the people in my life. It was at the Holt that My handmaidens joined our family Vennon Vilisi Veran and Adrelle. Things blur a bit I remember warring to the gates of mirkwood. Spending time among the elves gaining Az and Trigger as my next apprentices. Then at the games with all the young men courting me Justin came and found me asking to enter my forge. He made me blush as no other not even Roulhammer and something stirred in my heart at his plea. If Roulhammer is my heart and my right hand Justin is my muse Az and Trigger are my strenght mixed with beauty and Fidor my enginuity. How could my forge runn without any of these things?

Now there are new apprentices and they add new componates. Grildim his purity. Glixer his raw knowledge, but he leaves when Az does it has already been sealed. Glixen his alchemy. Belewyn his skills with horse armor, his long leave from the forge worries me but I know how visting family can sometimes be more consumeing then one wants it to be. Castabry his determination. And Dar his rune work. I have fought with these men beside me. I have fought for them as well as mistress of their forge. I know them to be brothers of Figment although new to us. And now as projects demand I have taken 3 more these are from the shelter of the Gondorian Lord smith and it is to soon to name their gifts or their place within our family.

I know Gilyar had many apprentices although I must admit I felt like his only for I had full run of all that was his even in my early stages. And I also know that Sawder has over 90 apprentices I wonder if he knows all there names if he can see the gifts within them. He says I am understaffed for the amount of work we take in but it does not feel that way I wonder if he can remember how each of these men came to him. His forge was impressive massive in size imaculate in keep and its stores full and orderly. But there was no heart within it. Its walls held no joy its stations no personal touches. I remember The first time I picked up a hammer within the holt's forge ( Gilyar's forge )it felt like home and although huge with many others working around us its stone walls were bathed in life and light makeing it feel cosey. I want that for those that are within my teaching. I want them to be free to express themselves to feel that it is not just a job I offer them but a home as well. But I am putting off what I dare not I must be off to the conference Sweet Rorax this is going to be a long day.

Current Mood: restless

There is so much up in the air right now. The wedding the forge my family. I don't know who to trust. I need to get away for a while. I was hopeing Roulhammer and I could just pick up and leave but thats not possible there is to much to be done.We are now intertwined in the politics of the courts. I didn't think farther then wanting to have a voice. Now everything we do, all of my forge is being looked on and judged. But we all made the plan to have a house seat of our own so I quess I shouldn't feel to bad. James Has me so paranoid but he did make so vaild points. My father has been acting very strange lately and Ebon is such a shister however he did let me look at both sets of books and did swear feality to the forge. I'd imagine Abu is just acting odd due to mother's expecting bundle and if I'm not mistaken Loss of the black cross.

There are nights when I am alone in the forge and the fires are gleaming that ember glow that everything seems to be at peace. That I am just a normal girl with a normal family waiting to be wed. Planning my life. I dream of the day by day life of the mundane. I see the forge fires still aglow as Roulhammer folds a sword his mussles glistening in the fire light. His alburn hair sleek with sweat curls the same colors as the fames falling loose from his braids drifting carlessly about his forhead as he works. I lay upon the forge bedding fur and watch him intently as our child lay sleeping contently within my arms, rocked to sleep with the melody of the hammer fall its lullaby. And I know in this peaceful fantasy that know harm will come to us That our child will grow in love that the trials we face ever day will never be his to bare. then I come back from my idealisic dream and realize it can never be. For just as I was thrown into this realm an innocent child of powerful family growing up far to quickly to saver the sands of youth that slipped my grasp so it will be for any child Roulhammer and I might bare. There's no way to shield him war will come and he will have have to fight courts will rise and fall and he will have to bare the weight just as i have for I know there is no escapeing the blood that flows through ones vains.

But enough talk of things never to be tonight I must rest. Tomarrow Is going to be a long day of smithing confrences. Sweet Rarox its going to be boring perhaps I will get some thoughts together about the wedding.
Gilyar never told me about this side of being a lord smilth he just let me happily play at my skeching.
I need a brake. I need peace. I simplely want to loose myself in Roulhammers arms. Perhaps our trip to Ogre Island will help. At least we will get to take the new ship out test her out so to speak. That should be fun and I'll get to spend some time with Corvel maybe work on my sword skill a little Rarox's knows I have the shit talking and ball smashing down. It will also give us a chance to intergrate the new Apprentices. To my surprize Sawder wasn't mad That they came to me perhaps he's not as much of an Og Strakyr as I thought.
But I really must go to bed Roulhammer is loring me there with wicked taunts of finding the jem.

Current Mood: devious